Davo
The Man is Present at the Birth
When children are born, these are the happiest days.
(«Чужие Мысли.5 (1999))
According to the schedule, our group’s cycle in obstetrics and gynecology began around the end of January.
(Most psychologists consider this period to be the most depressing and gloomy for the whole year.)
The cycle took place in Maternity Hospital No. 1 on Vasilievsky Island.
I lived in Kupchino. So I had to get up very early every morning to make it to the beginning of classes.
On the 3rd day of the cycle, about 10 minutes before the start, our entire group gathered in the room where our classes were held. The room was still cold after the night (table, chairs, walls), outside the window it was still dark, damp and slushy. Everyone was still sitting there half asleep, and no one wanted to take off their warm clothes.
In such a melancholic state, we waited for our teacher.
Suddenly she appeared and quickly announced to us:
«Your group is lucky today. We have several women in labor right now. Change your clothes. I’ll pick you up in 5 minutes and we’ll go watch the birth!»
Here everyone suddenly woke up, perked up and, joyfully discussing this news, began to quickly change clothes. I don’t think any of us had ever been present at a birth. It was everyone’s first time.
As for me, by that time I had already realized that I would not be a clinician. But I was still a student at the medical university, so I also reacted emotionally to the opportunity to attend the birth.
But I was interested in one more question about this. The fact is that then in Russia they began to allow spouses to attend the birth of their wife. It was something new. And I was wondering how a man would take all this from the outside. What impressions, emotions, feelings, and thoughts will be dominant in him?
One way or another, I also quickly changed my clothes with joyful anticipation, and we all began to wait for our teacher.
She came back really quickly, and we went.
First, they took us into a room where there were already 3 women in labor in contractions (1st stage of physiological labor). The atmosphere was the most serious and tense. The staff persistently demanded that the women in labor breathe and push. The women in labor had tired faces with strange grimaces, sweaty foreheads, and clumps of sweaty hair stuck to their sweaty foreheads.
At first I was disappointed. I expected something «more», «special», «magical».
I thought, «That’s it?! Big deal, I regularly pushed myself to more brutal states in my training.»
I could not understand why humanity has attached such great importance to childbirth for many centuries. If I try to briefly describe my attitude to what I saw at that moment, it’s banal cynicism and disappointment.
After a minute I lost interest in this and began to calmly wait to see what would happen next.
My classmates, on the contrary, were delighted. They asked questions. And everything was explained to them in detail.
About 20 minutes passed like this.
Then we were taken to the next room. There was only one woman in labor here. She was already in the 2nd stage of labor (the birth of a baby). 10 minutes after our arrival, she gave birth to a beautiful boy.
Then the real magic, sorcery, began. Or something like that.
The pediatrician examined the baby, treated him with something and placed him on the “АИСТ” table, which stood at the mother’s head, and even slightly behind the obstetric table. She (the pediatrician) continued to fiddle with the boy on the table.
(Аист — translates as stork)
At the moment when the baby was handed over to the pediatrician, I noticed the mother’s eyes. It’s hard for me to describe this LOOK. She watched him, not being distracted by anything. When the baby was placed on the table, she had to bend over to keep in sight of her son.
There was already the 3rd stage of labor (separation of the placenta). Obstetricians consider that at this stage the highest level of risks for a woman. It is at this stage that unpleasant complications are possible. Our mother had a difficult 3rd period (the placenta did not separate completely). The doctors were busy trying to fix it. But Mom didn’t pay any attention to these problems. She arched her back uncomfortably and kept her gaze fixed on the baby. From time to time the doctors tried to ask her something, but she did not hear them. Several times them had to turn to her, and even shout, then she reluctantly tore herself away from the baby, turned her attention to the doctors, quickly answered them, then again completely switched to him. This was repeated several times.
Her LOOK.
It is her LOOK, it is her eyes all this time that are the most important, the most significant, the most grandiose, the most magical, the most irrational (if I may say so) in this whole situation.
Most likely, I have seen similar eyes on TV, but in real life I have seen such a LOOK no more than 4-5 times.
I won’t even try to describe this LOOK.
But I’ve never seen so much motherly love in a woman’s eyes…
Very soon, the doctors, at the highest professional level, dealt with the problem that had arisen and probably went on to deal with another woman in labor. The mother and child were also taken away somewhere. Everyone continued to do their own thing.
I, together with our group, was slowly trudging somewhere. But I was in a state of groggy. A real psychological emotional groggy.
(Groggy — drunk, unstable. Groggy is a momentary deterioration in the condition of a boxer or MMA fighter who is on his feet after receiving a blow to the chin. ru.wikipedia)
I’ll try to explain.
When the doctors finally shouted to her again, and she began to shift her LOOK at them in a wide arc, at that moment my gaze intersected with her LOOK. For sure, my eyes also reflected everything that was going on inside me. And for a split second she held her LOOK on my face, on my eyes.
That split second played a radical role in my personality, in my worldview, and ultimately in my life.
At that moment I felt that some serious processes had started inside me. My psyche, subconscious, soul (maybe something else) began to «digest» this information, these strong impressions. After some time, everything will fall into place inside me, I will calm down, but I will already be a slightly different guy.
It was during this cycle that I understood why a man loves a woman. Yes, of course, we love women for their long, well-groomed hair, for their beautiful knees and high breasts, for their hip line and million-dollar smile. But when she gives birth to our children, everything becomes somehow different, everything moves to some other level.
P.S.
My subjective opinion (I would say very subjective).
I think every man should attend a birth at least once in his life.
But (very important!) in no case with your wife.
